It's been too long since I last posted anything of value. So. Here goes :)
It's amazing to me what comes out of the mouths of "babes". Mitchell and Karissa surprise me daily with little sayings that either they've heard somewhere or make up themselves. The ones they make up are truely priceless. Out of the two of them, Karissa usually comes up with the most amusing ones. For example: when her ears are hurting (which is most of the time, poor girl, as she gets wax buildup easily) she'll come to me and tell me her ears are "bugging". We are trying to teach the kids "manners" and how to ask for things. She'll regularly come up to me and say: "Mommy please may I have up?" Which means she wants me to hold her. If she comes up to me and asks me for something and I tell her no she'll say: "But I asked with please!" LOL she's still having to learn that just because she asks "nicely" doesn't always mean she gets what she wants. Yesterday she wanted to play in the pool. She came in and told me she needed a "lifejacket" on. I couldn't figure out what she meant. I finally deciphered that she meant she needed her swimsuit on :)
BUT, one of the things that she's taken to saying as of late, is something she completely made up on her own. And I think it's a truely wonderful use of her knowledge of words. If she's happy with something or, most especially, with someone, she'll say for example: "Mommy. You're the BEST!"
You have no idea how that melts my heart! What a good feeling it gives me to have my three-year old come up to me with a huge smile on her face and tell me I'm the BEST. And she's not being specific on what I am best at or for or when or how. I am just.....the BEST. It's amazing that if I'm having an off day or feeling a little put out...even by the kids...that a comment like that can change my whole attitude and outlook on things.
And that got me thinking.
Aren't words just one of the most powerful things? Sometimes it matters what's said. Sometimes it matters in what tone of voice. Sometimes it matters who says them. But words are Powerful! And as much as hurtful words can bring you down, encouraging words can bring you up just as easily....and they are just as EASY to say as the nasty things.
When was the last time you told someone they were the BEST? And I don't mean telling them they are the BEST at something...I mean just telling them they are the BEST! What a great feeling to know that someone thinks that of you. When was the last time you told someone that you loved them and REALLY TRUELY meant it? Try it! Give someone some encouraging words today (even someone that you don't get along with) and see how quickly it changes their attitude. And THEN see how quickly it changes YOUR attitude to just be able to pass along something kind.
Try it. I DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Just for fun since I haven't posted anything in ages...here is a "quiz" I got in the mail from a friend. Enjoy.
Other than your name, what was the last name someone called you? Mommy, Honey, Sweetie, Brownie, Girlie
How old were your parents when you were born?My Mom was 20 and my Dad was 19.
If you could find one long lost friend of the past, who would it be?Well I just found two of them recently. I'm very content with that.
Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman?At sixth grade I went to Junior High and had several teachers, however my homeroom teacher was a woman, Mrs. Segriest, can't remember if that's how you spell it or not.
What was the last thing you drank? Water, I'm trying to be better.
At what age do you think a person starts to get old? When they stop acting/feeling young.
What was the last thing you celebrated? Cinco de Mayo at a church party...we had a BLAST!
Have you ever had any teeth pulled? If you count loose teeth pulled out by taffy...then yes, three of them.
What was the first job you ever had? Well, Babysitting. Then my first real job was at Dillard's in the Children's Shoes department.
Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair, then work down.
Are your parents still married? Of Course. 30 Years this year.
What is the toy you remember the most as a kid? Several. The one that I think of the most is my Skip-it. I loved that thing. And my baton.
Do you think you will vote this year? Yes. I think everyone should
What was the last thing you cooked in the oven? Dinner the other night. Fish. I hate fish but nate likes it.
What craft do you think your good at? I don't think I'm "good" at anything. Other people think I am. I get by :)
What was the first tape/cd/record you owned? I think the first one that was actually "mine" was one that Kirstin gave me that had NKOTB, Keith Green and some other misc songs on it. I still have it and I love that tape.
Have you ever eaten something other people might think is gross? Oh yes. Nate thinks I eat gross things all the time. I think he eats gross things. It's mutual. An example would be rice, pineapple, salt, pepper and peanuts. Another one would be lettuce, pears and mayonnaise. YUM!
What famous person do you like that others may not? I have no idea. Don't really get hung up on famous people much. Probably you could say Jesus....there a quiet a few people who don't like Him.
Have you ever invented anything? In my head...LOADS of things. In actuality..not many.
Where is the most unique place you like to eat? The little Italian restaurant in London.
Who do you think you clash with the most? People with HUGE egos. It grates on my nerves. Competitive people as I'm not competitive...although I'm getting there :)
What time of day are you most likely sitting on your couch? What couch?
What color is your toothbrush? Orange at the moment.
What is the closest grocery store to your house? I have no idea. Probably the one in Harper but don't know exactly how far away it is...about 20 minutes.
When was the last time you colored with crayons? This morning with the kids.
Have you ever owned a plant? What was it? Yes. Sadly most of them have gone to plant heaven. I have a black thumb.
Have you met anyone famous? I can't really think that I have.
What was the worst injury you have ever had? A smashed pinkie finger at the age of 5. It got fractured I lost most of the skin and all of my fingernail. It was horrid. Also when I was 19 my Dad and I had a motorcycle accident and hit a deer. We were laid up for months with the injuries from that and both had to have surgeries.
At thanksgiving dinner, what is the first thing you go for? Stuffing or the home-made cranberry salad.
When you were a kid, who was your best pal? depends on what year...Elizabeth Bell, Bethany Kirk, Kirstin Pittman, Tiffany Souders, Leah Logan...that covers it unil High School. :)
Do you have any special talents? Heavens no.
Have you ever been to a nursing home? Yes. Sad, depressing places and I hope to die before I ever have to go to one.
What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up? She stayed at home until we got into school and then she worked at the schools we went to as a para and then worked inthe kitchen. We loved having her at school.
Have you ever known anyone thats been on tv, including you? Yes I've been on TV before. was an accident. And I know several others who have been too.
What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild? In the "Wild" As in not in the zoo? Well, bears at yellowstone, Elk, Moose, Porcupines, Beavers, Chipmunks, All kids of birds, Opossums, Racoons, Deer, Armadillos (alive and not dead on the side of the road). I think my favorite one was the Moose though. He was really neat.
What holiday do you enjoy the most? 4th of July. I love Fireworks and I love what the Holiday stands for.
What was the first video game you ever played? Atari, Asteroids, Pong, Joust, Pac-Man, etc.
What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed? My Bible that I got when I was Baptized. My wedding rings.
Do you have a favorite breakfast item? I love breakfast. Waffles, Pancakes, French Toast. Omlettes (my dads)
What do you find yourself buying all the time? things for the kids, things to organize the house
When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail? Yesterday.
Do you have a most prized piece of jewelry? My wedding rings and the pearls nate gave me for my birthday a couple years ago.
Do you own any board games? Alot
What article of clothing would you say you need more of in your wardrobe? Slacks and dress shirts
Were you born in the state you live in? Nope. Was born in Washington
Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? Yes. My dad swears that the trailer we lived in when we were little was broken into once.
What is your favorite cheese? Pepper Jack
Who do you know that watches the most sports? Who knows. Probably Nate although he says all the time that he doesn't get to watch them anymore since I came along. yeah right.
What was the last magazine you read? National Geographic and Highlights (with the kids)
Other than your name, what was the last name someone called you? Mommy, Honey, Sweetie, Brownie, Girlie
How old were your parents when you were born?My Mom was 20 and my Dad was 19.
If you could find one long lost friend of the past, who would it be?Well I just found two of them recently. I'm very content with that.
Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman?At sixth grade I went to Junior High and had several teachers, however my homeroom teacher was a woman, Mrs. Segriest, can't remember if that's how you spell it or not.
What was the last thing you drank? Water, I'm trying to be better.
At what age do you think a person starts to get old? When they stop acting/feeling young.
What was the last thing you celebrated? Cinco de Mayo at a church party...we had a BLAST!
Have you ever had any teeth pulled? If you count loose teeth pulled out by taffy...then yes, three of them.
What was the first job you ever had? Well, Babysitting. Then my first real job was at Dillard's in the Children's Shoes department.
Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair, then work down.
Are your parents still married? Of Course. 30 Years this year.
What is the toy you remember the most as a kid? Several. The one that I think of the most is my Skip-it. I loved that thing. And my baton.
Do you think you will vote this year? Yes. I think everyone should
What was the last thing you cooked in the oven? Dinner the other night. Fish. I hate fish but nate likes it.
What craft do you think your good at? I don't think I'm "good" at anything. Other people think I am. I get by :)
What was the first tape/cd/record you owned? I think the first one that was actually "mine" was one that Kirstin gave me that had NKOTB, Keith Green and some other misc songs on it. I still have it and I love that tape.
Have you ever eaten something other people might think is gross? Oh yes. Nate thinks I eat gross things all the time. I think he eats gross things. It's mutual. An example would be rice, pineapple, salt, pepper and peanuts. Another one would be lettuce, pears and mayonnaise. YUM!
What famous person do you like that others may not? I have no idea. Don't really get hung up on famous people much. Probably you could say Jesus....there a quiet a few people who don't like Him.
Have you ever invented anything? In my head...LOADS of things. In actuality..not many.
Where is the most unique place you like to eat? The little Italian restaurant in London.
Who do you think you clash with the most? People with HUGE egos. It grates on my nerves. Competitive people as I'm not competitive...although I'm getting there :)
What time of day are you most likely sitting on your couch? What couch?
What color is your toothbrush? Orange at the moment.
What is the closest grocery store to your house? I have no idea. Probably the one in Harper but don't know exactly how far away it is...about 20 minutes.
When was the last time you colored with crayons? This morning with the kids.
Have you ever owned a plant? What was it? Yes. Sadly most of them have gone to plant heaven. I have a black thumb.
Have you met anyone famous? I can't really think that I have.
What was the worst injury you have ever had? A smashed pinkie finger at the age of 5. It got fractured I lost most of the skin and all of my fingernail. It was horrid. Also when I was 19 my Dad and I had a motorcycle accident and hit a deer. We were laid up for months with the injuries from that and both had to have surgeries.
At thanksgiving dinner, what is the first thing you go for? Stuffing or the home-made cranberry salad.
When you were a kid, who was your best pal? depends on what year...Elizabeth Bell, Bethany Kirk, Kirstin Pittman, Tiffany Souders, Leah Logan...that covers it unil High School. :)
Do you have any special talents? Heavens no.
Have you ever been to a nursing home? Yes. Sad, depressing places and I hope to die before I ever have to go to one.
What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up? She stayed at home until we got into school and then she worked at the schools we went to as a para and then worked inthe kitchen. We loved having her at school.
Have you ever known anyone thats been on tv, including you? Yes I've been on TV before. was an accident. And I know several others who have been too.
What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild? In the "Wild" As in not in the zoo? Well, bears at yellowstone, Elk, Moose, Porcupines, Beavers, Chipmunks, All kids of birds, Opossums, Racoons, Deer, Armadillos (alive and not dead on the side of the road). I think my favorite one was the Moose though. He was really neat.
What holiday do you enjoy the most? 4th of July. I love Fireworks and I love what the Holiday stands for.
What was the first video game you ever played? Atari, Asteroids, Pong, Joust, Pac-Man, etc.
What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed? My Bible that I got when I was Baptized. My wedding rings.
Do you have a favorite breakfast item? I love breakfast. Waffles, Pancakes, French Toast. Omlettes (my dads)
What do you find yourself buying all the time? things for the kids, things to organize the house
When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail? Yesterday.
Do you have a most prized piece of jewelry? My wedding rings and the pearls nate gave me for my birthday a couple years ago.
Do you own any board games? Alot
What article of clothing would you say you need more of in your wardrobe? Slacks and dress shirts
Were you born in the state you live in? Nope. Was born in Washington
Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? Yes. My dad swears that the trailer we lived in when we were little was broken into once.
What is your favorite cheese? Pepper Jack
Who do you know that watches the most sports? Who knows. Probably Nate although he says all the time that he doesn't get to watch them anymore since I came along. yeah right.
What was the last magazine you read? National Geographic and Highlights (with the kids)
Thursday, December 6, 2007
A Friendly Church Family
We went to Tennessee for Thanksgiving this year to see Nate's Grandparents. We had a Blast! It was a lot of fun to see all of his family and his Grandparents were more and more relaxed with the kids this year. That makes it so much easier. We ended up staying for church on Sunday morning and I always love visiting thier church.....the reason? They are SOO SOO friendly! You walk in the door and those that recognize you from past visits are upon you right away telling you how wonderful it is to see you. You get farther in and those that don't know you each stop to ask you who you are and make sure you know to come back that evening. HOW WONDERFUL! In my lifetime I've visited many many church congregations either through travel or through living so many different places and it seems to me that one sign of a healthy congregation always is whether they are friendly. In my short time on this earth and having been raised in the church, it's become apparent to me that you can't have a church grow in numbers unless that church is a healthy church. I've been to so many small congregations that pray daily about increasing thier numbers. This concerns me on so many different levels. Here's why:
I think if you walk into a congregation and they aren't friendly...you are seeing the true nature of that church. Friendliness leads to many other things as it shows that the members are comfortable enough with themselves and with their fellow brothers and sisters to invite someone back to worship with them. If a church isn't friendly this automatically suggests to me that there are problems within the congregation and if I'm visiting to find somewhere to worship this means that I move on and look again.
Here's an example. Dying congregations usually have some of these characteristics: members that don't show up more than half the time to services, when you can go an entire week (or even month) and only see your church family three times a week during services, or go an entire week without corresponding with each other in any way, when you have members that consider themselves either too tired, too old or too "above" tasks of teaching, leading prayers, leading singing......the list can go on and on. But, you want to know the main characteristic of a congregation that's dying? NO LOVE. They have lost their love for one another and in many cases have even lost their love/zeal for God.
Losing your love for your fellow brothers and sisters can cause any number of problems. They usually crop up by being annoyed about small things at first and they can grow until they fester into such a dislike that you can't come to church services without them dominating your mind. This ends up being disruptive to the spiritual family of the congregation. In my opinion you can't have a healthy congregation until the church family starts BEING a church family. Divides, arguments, past grudges, hurt feelings....have NO place in a spiritual family. Actually they really have no place in a blood/physical family, either, but that is not what we are talking about. There is no way a congregation can grow until it can start being a family with each other.
One of the main problems I have seen is that congregations who don't love each other don't share with each other. One of the things I heard Richard Foster talk about while he was here in Norwich for our congregation's Gospel Meeting was that you can't come to services and get together as a congregation and ask someone how they are, get a generic reply in return and be happy with that. If you want to be a sharing, caring family......then you have to learn to SHARE those things and you have to learn how to RECIEVE those things and then know what to do about it in return. When a church family doesn't share it can be hurtful in so many ways. Many church families share pysical hurts. I do believe that is important We should be praying for physical wellness so that we can go out and do God's work. BUT, what about spiritual wellness? Do brothers and sisters in an unhealty congregation ask or talk about that? Nope. There is something wrong with that.
When you don't share spiritual hurts with each other there is a loss of cohesivness and then there is a feeling of disconnectedness with your brothers and sisters. This is reflected in many ways but none so obvious, in my opinion, as when you have small intimate classe settings where no one is willing to speak up and share. When you have no sharing with eachother and hardly any participation in the fact that no one studies their lesson in advance to be ready for class those should be large red warning signs that something is wrong. When there is NO interest in a class where you have to dig deep into the word and get "real" with eachother and share problems and hurts that's a problem, as again in my opinion, isn't this supposed to be one of the church's main functions? To provide a spiritual family that you can share with and then one that can hold you accountable to change when you need to? Not getting involved in class stems mostly from the fact that the congregation doesn't want to be sharing those private, sometimes hurtful, things with other brothers and sisters that they have "issues" with. This is hurtful in many many ways. And, becuase the they are afraid of sharing with each other they appear distant, cold and uncaring even if they really aren't. Congregations lose members because of this. They can even DRIVE members away because of this. When you have this kind of problem in a congregation you honestly can't expect the members to start caring for other people coming in when they aren't even caring for their own members that are there already.
There are members who I've seen in those situations that still believe in putting your all into a congregation and giving it your best. But sometimes there comes a time when giving your best is not enough if there isn't anyone else giving their best too. Then you get discouraged, tired, apathetic. I think apathetic is a good word for a congregation that doesn't share. They have no FIRE for their church family or for God.
If a church family is to grow in numbers......they will first need to get their FIRE back for God and for caring for their own spiritual family.
Now, saying all of that, Nate and I know that we are not perfect and that we've caused problems and had our share of disagreements with others in the past. Sadly our life right now has not been too condusive to being the best spiritual examples to others that we can be (at least to our church family in Norwich) but we are trying to be the best spiritual examples to the others that we spend time with outside of church services. We all go through times of "drought" in our lives (as Richard talked about too...with empty buckets of fruit) but those droughts should not be for very long. You should be able to recognize the drought and immediately start working on those things that will feed and water the drought to make it disappear. This not only goes with your own spiritual life but also applies to the spiritual life of a church congregation.
Some of these problems can arise when you don't have a strong spiritual leadership example in a congregation. Small congregations, especially, struggle with this problem. When there just aren't enough men (or maybe even enough "qualified" men) to have deacons and elders then the lines of who is leading spiritually become fuzzy. Or, even when you have enough "qualified" men to have a deacon and elder leadership you can still have problems if they men aren't putting the needs of the spiritual family first in their decisions. In my short time here on this earth I've seen congregations fall apart, divide and have knock-down drag-out fights over such things as what color carpet to put in the fellowship hall, whether to even HAVE a fellowship hall attached to the auditorium, when communion should be served during the services and which missionary the church should be giving their money to. I find this disturbing. Where did that congregation go wrong? Don't they know better than to fight about such things? These are the kinds of things that the devil uses as tools to destroy congregations. JUST LIKE he uses hurt feelings, arguments, hurtful words, misunderstandings and such like to destroy a loving, caring congregation.
Are you walking around with hurt feelings or a grudge against someone in your church family? Ask yourself why. WHY was that past hurt, disagreement or misunderstanding so MUCH more important than the work God has planned for you and your church family? Because that's what inevitably happens. We end up putting new signs, carpet, order of services and other things before the love of our brothers and sisters and our love for God. Isn't that what Satan wants? Think about it.
Is your church a friendly church? Friendly towards visitors, but more importantly friendly with each other? Do they truely LOVE to spend time with each other and find excuses to be together rather than act like it's a hardship on themselvs to fellowship together? IF they don't, WHY? I truely believe that you can detect a healthy church by just walking in and seeing if they welcome you into their church home. If they don't, think long and hard about aligning yourself with an empty basket of fruit as they will take from your basket without giving anything in return and you will soon be left empty too.
I think if you walk into a congregation and they aren't friendly...you are seeing the true nature of that church. Friendliness leads to many other things as it shows that the members are comfortable enough with themselves and with their fellow brothers and sisters to invite someone back to worship with them. If a church isn't friendly this automatically suggests to me that there are problems within the congregation and if I'm visiting to find somewhere to worship this means that I move on and look again.
Here's an example. Dying congregations usually have some of these characteristics: members that don't show up more than half the time to services, when you can go an entire week (or even month) and only see your church family three times a week during services, or go an entire week without corresponding with each other in any way, when you have members that consider themselves either too tired, too old or too "above" tasks of teaching, leading prayers, leading singing......the list can go on and on. But, you want to know the main characteristic of a congregation that's dying? NO LOVE. They have lost their love for one another and in many cases have even lost their love/zeal for God.
Losing your love for your fellow brothers and sisters can cause any number of problems. They usually crop up by being annoyed about small things at first and they can grow until they fester into such a dislike that you can't come to church services without them dominating your mind. This ends up being disruptive to the spiritual family of the congregation. In my opinion you can't have a healthy congregation until the church family starts BEING a church family. Divides, arguments, past grudges, hurt feelings....have NO place in a spiritual family. Actually they really have no place in a blood/physical family, either, but that is not what we are talking about. There is no way a congregation can grow until it can start being a family with each other.
One of the main problems I have seen is that congregations who don't love each other don't share with each other. One of the things I heard Richard Foster talk about while he was here in Norwich for our congregation's Gospel Meeting was that you can't come to services and get together as a congregation and ask someone how they are, get a generic reply in return and be happy with that. If you want to be a sharing, caring family......then you have to learn to SHARE those things and you have to learn how to RECIEVE those things and then know what to do about it in return. When a church family doesn't share it can be hurtful in so many ways. Many church families share pysical hurts. I do believe that is important We should be praying for physical wellness so that we can go out and do God's work. BUT, what about spiritual wellness? Do brothers and sisters in an unhealty congregation ask or talk about that? Nope. There is something wrong with that.
When you don't share spiritual hurts with each other there is a loss of cohesivness and then there is a feeling of disconnectedness with your brothers and sisters. This is reflected in many ways but none so obvious, in my opinion, as when you have small intimate classe settings where no one is willing to speak up and share. When you have no sharing with eachother and hardly any participation in the fact that no one studies their lesson in advance to be ready for class those should be large red warning signs that something is wrong. When there is NO interest in a class where you have to dig deep into the word and get "real" with eachother and share problems and hurts that's a problem, as again in my opinion, isn't this supposed to be one of the church's main functions? To provide a spiritual family that you can share with and then one that can hold you accountable to change when you need to? Not getting involved in class stems mostly from the fact that the congregation doesn't want to be sharing those private, sometimes hurtful, things with other brothers and sisters that they have "issues" with. This is hurtful in many many ways. And, becuase the they are afraid of sharing with each other they appear distant, cold and uncaring even if they really aren't. Congregations lose members because of this. They can even DRIVE members away because of this. When you have this kind of problem in a congregation you honestly can't expect the members to start caring for other people coming in when they aren't even caring for their own members that are there already.
There are members who I've seen in those situations that still believe in putting your all into a congregation and giving it your best. But sometimes there comes a time when giving your best is not enough if there isn't anyone else giving their best too. Then you get discouraged, tired, apathetic. I think apathetic is a good word for a congregation that doesn't share. They have no FIRE for their church family or for God.
If a church family is to grow in numbers......they will first need to get their FIRE back for God and for caring for their own spiritual family.
Now, saying all of that, Nate and I know that we are not perfect and that we've caused problems and had our share of disagreements with others in the past. Sadly our life right now has not been too condusive to being the best spiritual examples to others that we can be (at least to our church family in Norwich) but we are trying to be the best spiritual examples to the others that we spend time with outside of church services. We all go through times of "drought" in our lives (as Richard talked about too...with empty buckets of fruit) but those droughts should not be for very long. You should be able to recognize the drought and immediately start working on those things that will feed and water the drought to make it disappear. This not only goes with your own spiritual life but also applies to the spiritual life of a church congregation.
Some of these problems can arise when you don't have a strong spiritual leadership example in a congregation. Small congregations, especially, struggle with this problem. When there just aren't enough men (or maybe even enough "qualified" men) to have deacons and elders then the lines of who is leading spiritually become fuzzy. Or, even when you have enough "qualified" men to have a deacon and elder leadership you can still have problems if they men aren't putting the needs of the spiritual family first in their decisions. In my short time here on this earth I've seen congregations fall apart, divide and have knock-down drag-out fights over such things as what color carpet to put in the fellowship hall, whether to even HAVE a fellowship hall attached to the auditorium, when communion should be served during the services and which missionary the church should be giving their money to. I find this disturbing. Where did that congregation go wrong? Don't they know better than to fight about such things? These are the kinds of things that the devil uses as tools to destroy congregations. JUST LIKE he uses hurt feelings, arguments, hurtful words, misunderstandings and such like to destroy a loving, caring congregation.
Are you walking around with hurt feelings or a grudge against someone in your church family? Ask yourself why. WHY was that past hurt, disagreement or misunderstanding so MUCH more important than the work God has planned for you and your church family? Because that's what inevitably happens. We end up putting new signs, carpet, order of services and other things before the love of our brothers and sisters and our love for God. Isn't that what Satan wants? Think about it.
Is your church a friendly church? Friendly towards visitors, but more importantly friendly with each other? Do they truely LOVE to spend time with each other and find excuses to be together rather than act like it's a hardship on themselvs to fellowship together? IF they don't, WHY? I truely believe that you can detect a healthy church by just walking in and seeing if they welcome you into their church home. If they don't, think long and hard about aligning yourself with an empty basket of fruit as they will take from your basket without giving anything in return and you will soon be left empty too.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
As my kids grow and are more able to express themselves with words, I'm finding it more and more impressive they way they are able to communicate with others. Of course, many things about the kids I find impressive and would love to be able to imitate....their never-ending energy, for one. But I think the one thing that I've noticed about them that really really gets to me is their abitlity to communicate. They don't get shy (except for karissa around some new people), they aren't afraid to say what they are thinking at that very moment, they aren't afraid of expressing their feelings about something....good or bad, and they are honest to the core....sometimes painfully honest....but so honest that you don't have to wonder about them.
When does that change?
I've been thinking about that a lot. Wondering when that changed for me.....and I think I can actually remember when I started changing from innocent child to the hard, sometimes bitter, sometimes uncaring, and most of the time painfully shy adult that I am today.
The answer? I believe that happens when we start to realize that we can no longer trust everyone in our lives. Trust. That's a big issue. You tell someone a "secret" for example. Either something that is bothering you, a problem, a hope, a dream, and if you tell that someone to keep it to themselves you trust them to do that. People, however, are people. We are by no means perfect and we tend to screw up from time to time. So, when we learn that first painful lesson of not being able to trust someone with something precious to us.....we lose a piece of that innocent open communication, that ability to be able to tell someone how you feel without having it thrown back at you in some way.
I wonder how different things would be in the world if we could express ourselves the exact way we were feeling? To be able to tell your spouse that you are needing something more, to be able to tell your best friend that she's hurt your feelings, or to tell your boss at work that you are feeling over-burdened or un-appreciated?
Now, some people, I've noticed, still are able to express themselves just they way they want. They say what they feel and they mean what they say and they have no problems with what others think about them. The problem I've seen is that because not all of us in this world have kept this trait....we find them abrasive, overbearing and just down right difficult people to be around. Still, I think there's something to be admired about them though. I would love to still be able to express myself the way I'm feeling. To be able to walk up to someone I see having a bad day, give them a hug and tell them it's going to be ok. I can't do that anymore. I'm too afraid of invading their personal space, finding out a problem about someone that I might not have wanted to know, looking like a freak if they reject my attempt at sympathy and, mainly, just too afraid of being an open book.
The kids, I believe, will be able to be open books as long as they feel they can trust the people in their lives. The first time someone betrays that trust they will lose some open-bookness. (is that a word?) And the more they are betrayed, the more they will retreat back into themselves and the person they would really truly like to be is hidden somewhere behind a protective wall. Because we want to keep that part of ourselves...that "real" part safe and sound. That's the real person inside and we want to keep them safe. We don't want them to get hurt, rejected, or laughed at. SO, we conform, become synical and bitter people who see the worst in others and that's what we expect so that's what we get.
The point of all this rambling? I truely truely wish that I hadn't lost my "innocent person" in grade school. I wish that even through all the hateful laughter, lies, betrayals and hurtful words that I could have still stayed the same innocent, trusting, caring, interesting person that I am somewhere inside. I want so badly to be able to express myself the way I would like, but have hidden that person away for so long that it might be impossible to do now.
I love watching the kids be who they truely are. It's fun to see their personalities and their quirks that will some day be hidden away. I will miss that about them when it happens to be that they hide themselves away. But, for now, I'm going to enjoy watching them be little people who love, hate, get scared, get angry, care, and be honest without the fear of what others think.
When does that change?
I've been thinking about that a lot. Wondering when that changed for me.....and I think I can actually remember when I started changing from innocent child to the hard, sometimes bitter, sometimes uncaring, and most of the time painfully shy adult that I am today.
The answer? I believe that happens when we start to realize that we can no longer trust everyone in our lives. Trust. That's a big issue. You tell someone a "secret" for example. Either something that is bothering you, a problem, a hope, a dream, and if you tell that someone to keep it to themselves you trust them to do that. People, however, are people. We are by no means perfect and we tend to screw up from time to time. So, when we learn that first painful lesson of not being able to trust someone with something precious to us.....we lose a piece of that innocent open communication, that ability to be able to tell someone how you feel without having it thrown back at you in some way.
I wonder how different things would be in the world if we could express ourselves the exact way we were feeling? To be able to tell your spouse that you are needing something more, to be able to tell your best friend that she's hurt your feelings, or to tell your boss at work that you are feeling over-burdened or un-appreciated?
Now, some people, I've noticed, still are able to express themselves just they way they want. They say what they feel and they mean what they say and they have no problems with what others think about them. The problem I've seen is that because not all of us in this world have kept this trait....we find them abrasive, overbearing and just down right difficult people to be around. Still, I think there's something to be admired about them though. I would love to still be able to express myself the way I'm feeling. To be able to walk up to someone I see having a bad day, give them a hug and tell them it's going to be ok. I can't do that anymore. I'm too afraid of invading their personal space, finding out a problem about someone that I might not have wanted to know, looking like a freak if they reject my attempt at sympathy and, mainly, just too afraid of being an open book.
The kids, I believe, will be able to be open books as long as they feel they can trust the people in their lives. The first time someone betrays that trust they will lose some open-bookness. (is that a word?) And the more they are betrayed, the more they will retreat back into themselves and the person they would really truly like to be is hidden somewhere behind a protective wall. Because we want to keep that part of ourselves...that "real" part safe and sound. That's the real person inside and we want to keep them safe. We don't want them to get hurt, rejected, or laughed at. SO, we conform, become synical and bitter people who see the worst in others and that's what we expect so that's what we get.
The point of all this rambling? I truely truely wish that I hadn't lost my "innocent person" in grade school. I wish that even through all the hateful laughter, lies, betrayals and hurtful words that I could have still stayed the same innocent, trusting, caring, interesting person that I am somewhere inside. I want so badly to be able to express myself the way I would like, but have hidden that person away for so long that it might be impossible to do now.
I love watching the kids be who they truely are. It's fun to see their personalities and their quirks that will some day be hidden away. I will miss that about them when it happens to be that they hide themselves away. But, for now, I'm going to enjoy watching them be little people who love, hate, get scared, get angry, care, and be honest without the fear of what others think.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Another Questionnaire....but I liked this one.
Introduce yourself: Mommy, Apryl Christina, Mrs. Partridge
It’s Thursday at noon, where are you usually? getting the kids some lunch or hurridly making hubbies lunch so he can run out the door to work
Who was the last person to send you a text message? i don't have a cell phone....i know, i'm behind
What brand of shampoo is in your shower right now? sauve strawberry flavor
What are you listening to right now? Karissa singing a made-up song....bored because brother is not here....
Do you watch MTV anymore? Never did.
You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go first? Target
How do you feel about your hair? well it's falling out faster than it's growing now....how would you feel?
What time do you wake up in the morning? 7:00am....sometimes earlier if the kids wake up before that
What movie is in your DVD player? there are several: lion king, deep space nine season 1, last of the dogmen and north avenue irregulars....guess which movie is the one i watched last? :)
Last two numbers in your phone number? 74
Who’s in your house? Right now, me, hubby and karissa....mitchell is still at school for another hour
What side of the bed do you sleep on? either side...we aren't picky and we switch
Do you like roller coasters? Hate them....i get so sick that i can't enjoy whatever else we are doing that day
What magazine(s) do you buy regularly or subscribe to? my grandma subscribes me to Country Home
What kind of car do you drive? 2004 Chrysler Pacifica
What do you think about gay marriage? What I think doesn’t matter, it’s what God thinks that matters.
What do your pants look like? lol....well...........just got out of the shower after walking on the treadmill and am in a robe!!!
Do you own an iPod? No, and again, i know i'm behind
What kind of cologne/perfume do you wear? i don't...just good old deodarant as i tend to sneeze when i wear perfume of any kind
What are your plans for Saturday? i think i have to take mitchell to his first birthday party and i want to take nate out for his birthday but don't know if he wants to go anywhere or if we can find a babysitter.
What is the dumbest thing you have ever done with your cellphone? don't have one remember?
Does mind over matter work for you? i have an active imagination...does that count?
Are you paranoid? absolutely
What was the last thing you were invited to? uhhhhhhh.....i think it was a jewelry party that i forgot
What item should never be shared? toilet paper, kleenex, socks, deodarant, details about your sex life
What do you usually order at Taco Bell? i haven't been there in ages....wouldn't know
Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind? yes, sadly
When was the last time you were up all night? about a week ago
Where is your favorite place? where ever nate is
Do you ever think about the price of gasoline? i try not to which gets me in trouble with nate because i don't "shop around" for gas
Do you sleep with a fan on? i used to until i got married and he doesn't like the noise
What is the best thing about Winter? being able to snuggle without sweating
How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? not enough
How many states have you been to where all you saw was the airport? i can't think of any, i don't fly that much
Are you currently planning a trip? no thank goodness
How many plants are in your home? four
Are they fake? better question to ask would be if they are dead
Have you ever googled your name and found somebody? yes and i was sorely disappointed with my namesakes lifestyle and have never done it again
Whose number one in your top 8? what top 8?
What is your favorite possession? depends on what you consider a possession...probably my Bible (the one my parents gave me when I was baptized) or pictures of my family
What makes you feel like you are young again? playing with the kids, listening to NKOTB or watching cartoons (but they have to be real cartoons....like bugs bunny, roadrunner, smurfs, etc.)
Do you know how to play chess? i used to
What are you worrying about right now? whether i'm going to be done with this in time for me to get out of this robe to get mitchell off the bus
Are you picky? depends
You have one wish, what would it be? that my kids grow up to be faithful Christians
Where were you at 11:45p.m last night? watching a movie in bed
Ever talked to someone that was high? yes.....not a pretty sight
How tall is the person you like? depends on who we are talking about....the one i like the most is 6'3"
Last message you sent? was an e-mail to a friend about the kids
Last comment you left someone? to holly about her lovely christmas tree
Do you have a Facebook? Yes and i deleted my myspace because i liked it better
What color are your underwear? hmmmm.....robe, remember?
Last person you were in the car with besides your family? oh my....probably grace when she went with me to help get photos of the kids done
Do you own a polo? heavens, no
Are you currently frustrated with a girl? always...by the name of karissa
Are you excited for winter? not really
If it was free and it would work perfectly, would you get plastic surgery? nope....because i believe this is the way God made me and wanted me to be...i would be interfering with His plans for me if i changed myself like that
Have you ever slapped someone in the face? yes
Have you ever been called Prince or Princess? nope and don't care to be......i think that's one of the things wrong with this world is that everyone wants to think of themselves as "royalty"
What do you hear right now? didn't i already answer this question?
If you had to change your eye color, would you? nope...see above answer to plastic surgery
Last thing you wrote your name on? christmas cards
Where do you want to be right now? in bed
What do you want for Christmas? nate at home
Does it snow where you live? Yes, but not very much
Where did you get the pants you’re wearing right now? hmmmmmm...
When is the next time you will see your grandma? sadly i have no idea....
How is your hair right now? wet....shower, remember?
What is tomorrow? Friday, November 30, 2007
It’s Thursday at noon, where are you usually? getting the kids some lunch or hurridly making hubbies lunch so he can run out the door to work
Who was the last person to send you a text message? i don't have a cell phone....i know, i'm behind
What brand of shampoo is in your shower right now? sauve strawberry flavor
What are you listening to right now? Karissa singing a made-up song....bored because brother is not here....
Do you watch MTV anymore? Never did.
You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go first? Target
How do you feel about your hair? well it's falling out faster than it's growing now....how would you feel?
What time do you wake up in the morning? 7:00am....sometimes earlier if the kids wake up before that
What movie is in your DVD player? there are several: lion king, deep space nine season 1, last of the dogmen and north avenue irregulars....guess which movie is the one i watched last? :)
Last two numbers in your phone number? 74
Who’s in your house? Right now, me, hubby and karissa....mitchell is still at school for another hour
What side of the bed do you sleep on? either side...we aren't picky and we switch
Do you like roller coasters? Hate them....i get so sick that i can't enjoy whatever else we are doing that day
What magazine(s) do you buy regularly or subscribe to? my grandma subscribes me to Country Home
What kind of car do you drive? 2004 Chrysler Pacifica
What do you think about gay marriage? What I think doesn’t matter, it’s what God thinks that matters.
What do your pants look like? lol....well...........just got out of the shower after walking on the treadmill and am in a robe!!!
Do you own an iPod? No, and again, i know i'm behind
What kind of cologne/perfume do you wear? i don't...just good old deodarant as i tend to sneeze when i wear perfume of any kind
What are your plans for Saturday? i think i have to take mitchell to his first birthday party and i want to take nate out for his birthday but don't know if he wants to go anywhere or if we can find a babysitter.
What is the dumbest thing you have ever done with your cellphone? don't have one remember?
Does mind over matter work for you? i have an active imagination...does that count?
Are you paranoid? absolutely
What was the last thing you were invited to? uhhhhhhh.....i think it was a jewelry party that i forgot
What item should never be shared? toilet paper, kleenex, socks, deodarant, details about your sex life
What do you usually order at Taco Bell? i haven't been there in ages....wouldn't know
Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind? yes, sadly
When was the last time you were up all night? about a week ago
Where is your favorite place? where ever nate is
Do you ever think about the price of gasoline? i try not to which gets me in trouble with nate because i don't "shop around" for gas
Do you sleep with a fan on? i used to until i got married and he doesn't like the noise
What is the best thing about Winter? being able to snuggle without sweating
How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? not enough
How many states have you been to where all you saw was the airport? i can't think of any, i don't fly that much
Are you currently planning a trip? no thank goodness
How many plants are in your home? four
Are they fake? better question to ask would be if they are dead
Have you ever googled your name and found somebody? yes and i was sorely disappointed with my namesakes lifestyle and have never done it again
Whose number one in your top 8? what top 8?
What is your favorite possession? depends on what you consider a possession...probably my Bible (the one my parents gave me when I was baptized) or pictures of my family
What makes you feel like you are young again? playing with the kids, listening to NKOTB or watching cartoons (but they have to be real cartoons....like bugs bunny, roadrunner, smurfs, etc.)
Do you know how to play chess? i used to
What are you worrying about right now? whether i'm going to be done with this in time for me to get out of this robe to get mitchell off the bus
Are you picky? depends
You have one wish, what would it be? that my kids grow up to be faithful Christians
Where were you at 11:45p.m last night? watching a movie in bed
Ever talked to someone that was high? yes.....not a pretty sight
How tall is the person you like? depends on who we are talking about....the one i like the most is 6'3"
Last message you sent? was an e-mail to a friend about the kids
Last comment you left someone? to holly about her lovely christmas tree
Do you have a Facebook? Yes and i deleted my myspace because i liked it better
What color are your underwear? hmmmm.....robe, remember?
Last person you were in the car with besides your family? oh my....probably grace when she went with me to help get photos of the kids done
Do you own a polo? heavens, no
Are you currently frustrated with a girl? always...by the name of karissa
Are you excited for winter? not really
If it was free and it would work perfectly, would you get plastic surgery? nope....because i believe this is the way God made me and wanted me to be...i would be interfering with His plans for me if i changed myself like that
Have you ever slapped someone in the face? yes
Have you ever been called Prince or Princess? nope and don't care to be......i think that's one of the things wrong with this world is that everyone wants to think of themselves as "royalty"
What do you hear right now? didn't i already answer this question?
If you had to change your eye color, would you? nope...see above answer to plastic surgery
Last thing you wrote your name on? christmas cards
Where do you want to be right now? in bed
What do you want for Christmas? nate at home
Does it snow where you live? Yes, but not very much
Where did you get the pants you’re wearing right now? hmmmmmm...
When is the next time you will see your grandma? sadly i have no idea....
How is your hair right now? wet....shower, remember?
What is tomorrow? Friday, November 30, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Six Things
My friend Holly "tagged" me and now I am going to write six (hopefully interesting) things about myself. (Btw, Holly, SO sorry this took me so long. Your e-mail got sent to the junk mail folder and I only check it about every two weeks....there's usually nothing in there but trashy things and I just don't waste my time checking it all the time!)
1. I live by lists. This is to say that I make lots (LOTS) of lists. Lists about anything and everything. Things to do, things to buy, people to see, people to write cards to, people to call, stores to go to.......you get the idea. Everything in my life (well, most) can be put down in a list. For some reason, seeing my life in lists makes things easier for me to manage. That's not to say that the lists ever get all the way done......actually, hardly ever. BUT, somehow seeing what I need to do, written out, makes me be able to breathe easier. I think this comes from my school days as I had a really hard time (even then) keeping track of things that needed to be done. I have never had the best memory and if I didn't write things down (like homework) in a list of what needed to be done and when, I would get home at night and have panic attacks that I was forgetting something important and then wouldn't be able to get anything accomplished because I was so focused on what I was forgetting (or thought I was forgetting). The best thing that ever happened to me in school was the invention of the School Planner. I kept EVERYTHING in there. I always knew right where it was and when things were due and to whom. Sadly, I don't think I had a planner except for maybe my last couple of years of highschool (maybe even just my senior year......faulty memory). Anyway. I like lists. And if I'm going to remember something, I HAVE to write it down. And, even now, if I'm going to get things done at home...I have to make a chore list for myself to follow. Sadly, a busy life and sickness and trips always seem to mess me up and get me out of my groove....but if I can follow my list....then I do great.
2. I sing...........all the time. I go through my day singing. What I sing changes maybe dayly, hourly or minute by minute depending on my mood. I think songs keep me going and keep me in a stable frame of mind. Usually they are songs I've learned at church (see an earlier post for my favorite one). But I always have a song on my mind. Yes, sometimes I get stuck on one and can't get it out of my head. And, sadly, they are usually ones I don't really care for. I just make myself start singing something else and I can most of the time get it to go away. I have always loved to sing. I don't have the best voice (I was cheated in the voice "gene" as my sister and brother have beautiful voices), but I can sing reasonably well.....at least the kids don't mind.....YET! :)
3. I eat for comfort. It wasn't always like this. In fact, I remember in school.....all they way through college even, going all day without feeling hungry and really eating. I remember, in fact, getting into trouble with my parents alot when I was younger for not eating lunch at school. It wasn't really the fact that I wasn't eating that was so terrible...it was the fact that I was trying to hide it from Mom and Dad. There are days that I wish I could skip a meal now! It seems like, now, that food controls my life......or a good portion of it anyway. This is the first time in my life that I've ever had to worry about my weight. And it seems like everytime I get to a point where I could do something about it......a situation slaps me in the face and turns me down. In fact, to give you a little idea......Since I was pregnant with Mitchell it seems like I've been sick for the past 4 years. Here's a little run-down: Sick with Mitchell when pregnant, then after Mitchell was born two months later I got pregnant with Karissa and was sick with her (although not as badly). Since Karissa has been born (and she's only two at the moment) I've had mono twice (I just started my second round of it this month) and I've had two surgeries. There's been only about a three month period since Karissa was born that I was feeling relatively "normal". And, just so I can say that I CAN do it...during that period of time I lost 17lbs. Anyway....the point of all of this was...I've become a comfort eater....and I hate it.....and I hate being overweight.....but how do you lose weight when you aren't allowed to excersise? (for anyone that's not had mono...you aren't allowed to do any exercising until you are given a clean bill of health). So...........................I feel sad. I eat. I feel happy. I reward myself. And I get fatter.
4. I feel guilty. About everything. EVERYTHING. And I over-analyze my life and everything in it. I'm a people-pleaser (which goes along with feeling guilty) and if there is someone in my "world" that is unhappy......so am I. I work everyday to make sure that the people in my life are happy and happy with me. If I do or say something that I think was hurtful or inappropriate (or even just stupid) I stress over it.........and stress over it. Until it finally bothers me SO much that I go back to that person and apologize. The amusing thing? Ususally that person has no idea what I'm talking about, doesn't remember the situation or why I'm apologizing. BUT, I DO. And, even though it might not have affected them....it affected me because I wasn't being the loving, caring, sensitive, insightful person that I try on a daily basis to be. And I'm getting worse at it. I have a family curse that when women in my family get older....they get more and more outspoken. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.....except that what they are outspoken about can be hurtful if not said in the right way. I'm trying desperately to not be that way...but I find myself leaning that way more and more everyday!
5. The word "NO" is not in my vocabulary. Ask me to define the word "no" and unless you are talking about my children.....I coudn't give you an asnwer. I can say no to my children because I know it's good for them for me to say no. Like, NO! don't touch the stove, it's hot! I can do that. But when it comes to others asking me to do things.....I can't say no. It doesn't matter how disruptive it will be to me or my family, how big, how small, whatever the request I will ALWAYS say yes. This has gotten me into more trouble than I can count. But I just can't bear to say no to anyone. Even if it means putting a hardship on me or my family.....I will do whatever it takes to make whatever I said "yes" to, happen. I've gotten myself roped into SO many things that I should have said no to.....but, I just can't. I think it goes back to being the people pleaser. If I say no......they might think bad of me, or they might think I don't care for them or their needs......and so I say yes.
6. Finally, the last one. And if you are a brave soul and have read this far into the blog....WOW! Thanks! :) Anyway. For my last one.....I'm VERY VERY sentimental. Very. I come by this naturally. My mom is the same way. The bad thing is that I can make anything and everything have a sentimental meaning. This leads to being a pack rat because I can't throw anything away, remembering things that aren't even important and that no one else remembers, feeling attached to people when there's really no attachment there and getting my feelings hurt rather easily. I am very loyal. If you consider me as a friend, then I'll do anything for you. Even if someone considers me a friend and treats me badly, I'll do anything for them because there is that sentimental attachement there. This gets me into trouble on many levels. The most disturbing thing about being sentimental...............................I cry at everything. I could be the worlds best crying actress. You want me to cry? Just tell me something sad, tell me something sweet and I'll burst into tears. For no reason of course. I've almost stopped watching TV because I can't handle all the crying that I do. I see a commercial about the poor kids in Africa. I cry. I see a commercial about someone needing money for cancer treatment. I cry. I see a show that has a special moment in it. I cry. I can even cry at cartoons. Not joking. *Sigh*
Well, those are six things about me. Not, necessarily the best things or the biggest things, but six things nonetheless that maybe some of you didn't know.
Thanks for reading! And If you've gotten this far and haven't been tagged yet, Then consider yourself tagged! :) (I'm not officially tagging anyone because I can't bear to make someone feel pressured to do something they don't want to do).
1. I live by lists. This is to say that I make lots (LOTS) of lists. Lists about anything and everything. Things to do, things to buy, people to see, people to write cards to, people to call, stores to go to.......you get the idea. Everything in my life (well, most) can be put down in a list. For some reason, seeing my life in lists makes things easier for me to manage. That's not to say that the lists ever get all the way done......actually, hardly ever. BUT, somehow seeing what I need to do, written out, makes me be able to breathe easier. I think this comes from my school days as I had a really hard time (even then) keeping track of things that needed to be done. I have never had the best memory and if I didn't write things down (like homework) in a list of what needed to be done and when, I would get home at night and have panic attacks that I was forgetting something important and then wouldn't be able to get anything accomplished because I was so focused on what I was forgetting (or thought I was forgetting). The best thing that ever happened to me in school was the invention of the School Planner. I kept EVERYTHING in there. I always knew right where it was and when things were due and to whom. Sadly, I don't think I had a planner except for maybe my last couple of years of highschool (maybe even just my senior year......faulty memory). Anyway. I like lists. And if I'm going to remember something, I HAVE to write it down. And, even now, if I'm going to get things done at home...I have to make a chore list for myself to follow. Sadly, a busy life and sickness and trips always seem to mess me up and get me out of my groove....but if I can follow my list....then I do great.
2. I sing...........all the time. I go through my day singing. What I sing changes maybe dayly, hourly or minute by minute depending on my mood. I think songs keep me going and keep me in a stable frame of mind. Usually they are songs I've learned at church (see an earlier post for my favorite one). But I always have a song on my mind. Yes, sometimes I get stuck on one and can't get it out of my head. And, sadly, they are usually ones I don't really care for. I just make myself start singing something else and I can most of the time get it to go away. I have always loved to sing. I don't have the best voice (I was cheated in the voice "gene" as my sister and brother have beautiful voices), but I can sing reasonably well.....at least the kids don't mind.....YET! :)
3. I eat for comfort. It wasn't always like this. In fact, I remember in school.....all they way through college even, going all day without feeling hungry and really eating. I remember, in fact, getting into trouble with my parents alot when I was younger for not eating lunch at school. It wasn't really the fact that I wasn't eating that was so terrible...it was the fact that I was trying to hide it from Mom and Dad. There are days that I wish I could skip a meal now! It seems like, now, that food controls my life......or a good portion of it anyway. This is the first time in my life that I've ever had to worry about my weight. And it seems like everytime I get to a point where I could do something about it......a situation slaps me in the face and turns me down. In fact, to give you a little idea......Since I was pregnant with Mitchell it seems like I've been sick for the past 4 years. Here's a little run-down: Sick with Mitchell when pregnant, then after Mitchell was born two months later I got pregnant with Karissa and was sick with her (although not as badly). Since Karissa has been born (and she's only two at the moment) I've had mono twice (I just started my second round of it this month) and I've had two surgeries. There's been only about a three month period since Karissa was born that I was feeling relatively "normal". And, just so I can say that I CAN do it...during that period of time I lost 17lbs. Anyway....the point of all of this was...I've become a comfort eater....and I hate it.....and I hate being overweight.....but how do you lose weight when you aren't allowed to excersise? (for anyone that's not had mono...you aren't allowed to do any exercising until you are given a clean bill of health). So...........................I feel sad. I eat. I feel happy. I reward myself. And I get fatter.
4. I feel guilty. About everything. EVERYTHING. And I over-analyze my life and everything in it. I'm a people-pleaser (which goes along with feeling guilty) and if there is someone in my "world" that is unhappy......so am I. I work everyday to make sure that the people in my life are happy and happy with me. If I do or say something that I think was hurtful or inappropriate (or even just stupid) I stress over it.........and stress over it. Until it finally bothers me SO much that I go back to that person and apologize. The amusing thing? Ususally that person has no idea what I'm talking about, doesn't remember the situation or why I'm apologizing. BUT, I DO. And, even though it might not have affected them....it affected me because I wasn't being the loving, caring, sensitive, insightful person that I try on a daily basis to be. And I'm getting worse at it. I have a family curse that when women in my family get older....they get more and more outspoken. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.....except that what they are outspoken about can be hurtful if not said in the right way. I'm trying desperately to not be that way...but I find myself leaning that way more and more everyday!
5. The word "NO" is not in my vocabulary. Ask me to define the word "no" and unless you are talking about my children.....I coudn't give you an asnwer. I can say no to my children because I know it's good for them for me to say no. Like, NO! don't touch the stove, it's hot! I can do that. But when it comes to others asking me to do things.....I can't say no. It doesn't matter how disruptive it will be to me or my family, how big, how small, whatever the request I will ALWAYS say yes. This has gotten me into more trouble than I can count. But I just can't bear to say no to anyone. Even if it means putting a hardship on me or my family.....I will do whatever it takes to make whatever I said "yes" to, happen. I've gotten myself roped into SO many things that I should have said no to.....but, I just can't. I think it goes back to being the people pleaser. If I say no......they might think bad of me, or they might think I don't care for them or their needs......and so I say yes.
6. Finally, the last one. And if you are a brave soul and have read this far into the blog....WOW! Thanks! :) Anyway. For my last one.....I'm VERY VERY sentimental. Very. I come by this naturally. My mom is the same way. The bad thing is that I can make anything and everything have a sentimental meaning. This leads to being a pack rat because I can't throw anything away, remembering things that aren't even important and that no one else remembers, feeling attached to people when there's really no attachment there and getting my feelings hurt rather easily. I am very loyal. If you consider me as a friend, then I'll do anything for you. Even if someone considers me a friend and treats me badly, I'll do anything for them because there is that sentimental attachement there. This gets me into trouble on many levels. The most disturbing thing about being sentimental...............................I cry at everything. I could be the worlds best crying actress. You want me to cry? Just tell me something sad, tell me something sweet and I'll burst into tears. For no reason of course. I've almost stopped watching TV because I can't handle all the crying that I do. I see a commercial about the poor kids in Africa. I cry. I see a commercial about someone needing money for cancer treatment. I cry. I see a show that has a special moment in it. I cry. I can even cry at cartoons. Not joking. *Sigh*
Well, those are six things about me. Not, necessarily the best things or the biggest things, but six things nonetheless that maybe some of you didn't know.
Thanks for reading! And If you've gotten this far and haven't been tagged yet, Then consider yourself tagged! :) (I'm not officially tagging anyone because I can't bear to make someone feel pressured to do something they don't want to do).
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I hate passwords. Does anyone else?
For one....I hate them because it's something else that I have to stick into my brain under the file "Remember This" and that file is so jam-packed full things are starting to leak out and I'm forgetting the important things to remember. Like the password for this blog. I've had to re-set it twice now in the past two days because the password that I use for everything else is too short!
That takes me to my next complaint. Who gets to say whether a password is too short, too long, too dumb or too ______ (you fill in the blank)? I really want to know because I want to STRANGLE that person. Each thing, of course, that you have to set a password for is different. Just like the gas station pumps or the card readers at a store or even the gift registries at stores (which is another subject that I won't harp on here).....but WHY can't they all be the same? I'm tired of looking and feeling stupid because someone somewhere has to put their own spin on something that already worked in the first place. Everything has to be Individualized. I understand the importance of feeling different and being your own person. BUT passwords and card readers and gas pumps are NOT people....therefore their feelings WILL NOT get hurt if we keep everything the same and make a Universal way of doing things. That way my pea brain can focus on something more important than trying to remember which gas station I'm at and which way I have to press the buttons and in what order. (and whether or not I have to lift the handle, press a button or just sing to the gas pump and look pretty!)
You want another reason I hate passwords so much? (too bad I'm going to tell you anyway).....because it means that I can't TRUST fellow human beings to do the right thing, keep their nose out of my business and be just honest, kind, and not self-seeking. Because that's what it comes right down to doesn't it? We can't trust people. And I think that's the saddest thing........EVER. It has always boggled my mind what people find to do that they think is fun. Hacking (into everything and anything to either steal or gain the upper hand over someone else), making and sending viruses to destroy people's computers, stealing someone's identity because they've already screwed up thier own. I really can't imagine what must possess those people to do such things. Really I can't. Now, that's not to say that I've never done something wrong, never put myself first when I should have thought of others or even taken something for myself knowing full well someone else might need that. BUT, I haven't, as of yet, purposefully went out, mind set, to destroy someone else's life. And, so, that's where passwords come in.
Now, passwords are one thing. But when your password isn't even safe....what do you do then? Well, you do what our bank has done to us and they have made it so that you have to remember three different numbers and about 10 different answers to questions that are different everytime! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Now THAT really makes my brain hurt. And the result? You guessed it. I don't log into that site unless I absolutely have to. And when I do...I usually end up having to answer more questions than the smarter human being (my husband for one) because I can't remember the answers or I answer SO many of them wrong that I end up locking myself out and have to either e-mail or telephone the bank and describe to them in detail what an idiot I am that I can't remember my own password.
I hate passwords. Did I already say that?
For one....I hate them because it's something else that I have to stick into my brain under the file "Remember This" and that file is so jam-packed full things are starting to leak out and I'm forgetting the important things to remember. Like the password for this blog. I've had to re-set it twice now in the past two days because the password that I use for everything else is too short!
That takes me to my next complaint. Who gets to say whether a password is too short, too long, too dumb or too ______ (you fill in the blank)? I really want to know because I want to STRANGLE that person. Each thing, of course, that you have to set a password for is different. Just like the gas station pumps or the card readers at a store or even the gift registries at stores (which is another subject that I won't harp on here).....but WHY can't they all be the same? I'm tired of looking and feeling stupid because someone somewhere has to put their own spin on something that already worked in the first place. Everything has to be Individualized. I understand the importance of feeling different and being your own person. BUT passwords and card readers and gas pumps are NOT people....therefore their feelings WILL NOT get hurt if we keep everything the same and make a Universal way of doing things. That way my pea brain can focus on something more important than trying to remember which gas station I'm at and which way I have to press the buttons and in what order. (and whether or not I have to lift the handle, press a button or just sing to the gas pump and look pretty!)
You want another reason I hate passwords so much? (too bad I'm going to tell you anyway).....because it means that I can't TRUST fellow human beings to do the right thing, keep their nose out of my business and be just honest, kind, and not self-seeking. Because that's what it comes right down to doesn't it? We can't trust people. And I think that's the saddest thing........EVER. It has always boggled my mind what people find to do that they think is fun. Hacking (into everything and anything to either steal or gain the upper hand over someone else), making and sending viruses to destroy people's computers, stealing someone's identity because they've already screwed up thier own. I really can't imagine what must possess those people to do such things. Really I can't. Now, that's not to say that I've never done something wrong, never put myself first when I should have thought of others or even taken something for myself knowing full well someone else might need that. BUT, I haven't, as of yet, purposefully went out, mind set, to destroy someone else's life. And, so, that's where passwords come in.
Now, passwords are one thing. But when your password isn't even safe....what do you do then? Well, you do what our bank has done to us and they have made it so that you have to remember three different numbers and about 10 different answers to questions that are different everytime! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Now THAT really makes my brain hurt. And the result? You guessed it. I don't log into that site unless I absolutely have to. And when I do...I usually end up having to answer more questions than the smarter human being (my husband for one) because I can't remember the answers or I answer SO many of them wrong that I end up locking myself out and have to either e-mail or telephone the bank and describe to them in detail what an idiot I am that I can't remember my own password.
I hate passwords. Did I already say that?
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